I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
