weddingsv make me drug and hornr
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
