Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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