my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
