You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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