I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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