I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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