my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what day is it and did you see me today?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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