Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
