I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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