Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
