I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
