She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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