Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
