Only a mothe r could love this liver
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
