Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
