I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
