I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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