at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
