i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you win again, gameday.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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