I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
