kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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