It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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