So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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