Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm really busy with my period
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