the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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