my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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