so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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