That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
