I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think people are normalizing furries
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
