it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
