just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
