she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
