Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
