dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
