My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
