ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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