yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
