If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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