So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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