There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
