I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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