Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
