Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like āGET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKERā and I went ham on tinder.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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