Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
