My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
