I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
