all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
