Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
