I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
