I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
