i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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