no you cant smoke seaweed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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