Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
