We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
