I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
