I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
