Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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