So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
