I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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