"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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