Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
