He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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