One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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