Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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